Birthdays

Sing the hallowed songs of joy
For another year I live with this toy
Just to see if it ever stops
Just to see if it ever stalks

Birthdays come and they stay
Only to haunt me every day
How I stare at you
How you shy away

Is there a guilt you harbor?
Is there a morality you harbor?
There is a life I truly harbor.

Colder, Bolder and older
That is not what I told her
Warmer, wiser and weaker
Wish I could speak to her

In all my weakness lies all my strength
In all my fears lies all my courage
In all my love lies all my hate


Oblivious to all the contradiction
Oblivious to all the pain
You choose to make me sane

Vindicate me, O holy Chaos
From this world of persistent soldiers
Into the world of poignant explorers

Render me another birthday
One I wish would stay.