I love you so much.....

Why do I love you so much?
Why cant I forget you?

How much can I escape you?
How much can I escape reality?
I use to always laugh at emotional losers
Now fate is laughing at me….

I don’t wish to write in fear it moves me closer to you….
I love you so much….

My imagination is moving to higher dimensions
This seams more real to me….
This world seems so painful….
I can do anything to be with you
Beautiful moments are etched in my memory
I cant erase it
Please help me god….

I am going insane….
My tears have lost their value..
I feel so lonely
I feel so fake

I believe so much in myself
Your one thought shatters it to pieces and pieces
I feel all achievements are useless….

Please god…….I do so many good things…..I help so many people….I feel so many people….
Help me god….
My life has been going from bad to worse….
No one; absolutely no one to love….only street children to love and feel
Getting higher on pseudo platforms n more hollow from inside
Laughing more n more on outside and howling on the inside

I still wake up in the morning wishing for your good health and good life….
I still sleep thinking about you n praying for your happiness
I was never this weak….I am capable of being loved by so many people….
I still love you so much….

I am made for a very bright future….
I still feel it so artificial….
I will work for the UN, Directing a movie, have a company listed on the nasdaq, open many orphanages, drive a Rollys Royce Phantom..
All useless…..without you

I am such a gentleman and feel so ashamed of emotionally hurting you so much…
Please forgive me….

Maybe I will not see the new year…
Maybe I don’t want to see this new year…
Nothing in this world seems dear to me…
I am courageous enough to kill myself….
But not cowardly enough to escape you….

Why cant I tell myself that you don’t care for me…
I live on hope….
I take long walks and think about you….
I feel you everywhere…
I get high only to feel you more in the most unimaginable decency
I was so nice to you but never good enough…..

I give people relationship advice…
I stare at myself in the mirror and ask why?

Don’t know how long I will live….
My arrogance has been slaughtered by the pain I am feeling

I know you hate me….
Maybe this will free me from this world and pain someday..
This is my hope for happiness

I love honest words and feel every word I write….

I am...

An artist by nature
A manager by profession
An intellectual by liking
A philanthropist by heart
A bastard by wisdom
A friend of emotions
A lover in my dreams
The one in reality

Is my change a reality?
How real is my change?
I am understanding how to live my life
I am believing I can live my life
I am feeling happiness again in my life

Friends is not what I need
Love is not my greed
Hatred is not to my breed
Sex is not my feed

My mind is the creator and destroyer of reality
My values define honesty without duality
There is egoism reaching out with humbleness
There is a confidence with fumbleness
I am a child realizing I was cocooned for a long time
My past was a gift from the spirit and the present is just fine
I have become an idealist with practicality
Accumulated wisdom which is a vitality
Every failure kills me deep from inside
Obvious mistakes in my subconscious mind reside

Many times I sound like an arrogant bastard
I am not self obsessed though I do have problems liking people
Emotional intelligence is present and its just the icing on the cake
Politeness comes naturally for genuine people
Insight comes for the others.
I am not the one in many visualizations and ideologies
There is hypocrisy and the want to be the best
Maturity sinks below dignity and mistakes rise beyond the horizon.


I wait for synchronous thinking
I wait for psychological linking
Confusions has been deep routed in the subconscious
Logic is the base for the conscious
The iceberg has to be melted
“It’s a possibility” I have felt it.
Too many quotes as the pacemaker
Too many mistakes as the wisdom maker
A longing for love and lust for sex
Contradictory thinking and enlightened zest.

Gift

Hi…since am so far away (thank god for that!) n this is the cheapest way to get a treat out of you so here goes some lies!!

In a world that is virtually real
It becomes tough to hold on……
In a world that is politically incorrect
It becomes tough to remain untorn….
In a world that is sexually emotional
It becomes tough to find people long gone…
In a world that is morally flawed
It becomes tough to have values which are not molested upon….
In a world which is satanically religious
It becomes tough to pray until dawn…..
In a world which is colored black n white
In a world of prejudice n false might…
Were Mandela n Gandhi right?

This is the world as I see it
You have to resurrect it bit by bit

You can make the mirage a reality if you wish
You can be a Micheal Moore if you wish
There can be evanescence of Marilyn Monroe’s if you wish
You can be a Mother Teresa if you wish
You can be a Dalai Lama if you wish
You can prove that Mandela and Gandhi were right, if you wish

You are the one that is all I want to say dear
The world is at your feet and waiting for you
I have known you for long now
Judged you when your unawareness has kept you busy
There is a perfect blend and coherence of Simplicity and Beauty
Your values are commendable and decision making sane
Some confusions and immaturity still seeps in making you a real person
There is rigidity in you which can be harmfulTime is a great teacher and the right balance will be mastered
Sweetness reaches a new dimension and you can be so nice
Dumbness reaches a new dimension and you can be so stupid!!
I have so had so many laughs with you and memories just sweep by in my head
Made so much fun of you n still you have laughed all along with me….
Time has moved on n friendship looses its essence with time
Different people in ourselves and around gain influence as u must have realized
I did not remember your birthday n you only call on my birthday
The road will only go where we take it


I don’t have words to explain how special you are
Your one thought brings happiness incomparable by far
People might call you comfortably dumb
For those people feelings have long gone numb
I have always made fun of you
But my respect for you is so true
So rejoice cause an angel was born this day
I have been blessed enough to be your friend till today
Thank you so much for the time you have ever given me
For u will not believe how secure it has led me to be
I don’t boast of liking people as such
But you have changed my opinion so much

God bless you n have a great day!!!

Your friend with loads of lies
Rishabh

IF.......

The word beats the silence far across
It mutes the thunders torturing my soul
I feed on fantasy for just a while……..
This road seems to go for miles and miles…..
Struggle seems to loose significance
As life moves towards magnificence
It sucks the pain out of reality
Seems much more than vitality

What if I never grew up so early…
What if I never witnessed the violence’s that I did…
What if I ever made friends….
What if u loved me….
For once….just once…
My faith in god would be restored

Emotions storm inside as my life stares at me
Misunderstood realities mock at me
My inability to live the perfect life
to cry and still dream of the perfect life

the word if strengthens me to hold on….
To stitch the realities ruthlessly torn
To feel the reasons and logic long gone

But still there is comfort in pain…
For change is what we all are afraid of
Surely there is nothing to gain
My feet are stuck and it’s hard to move on…

I take deep breaths to understand more than I can write
Nothing in life ever seems to go right….
Its just a will survive
To prove that my values were right…..

If I can love anyone again….
If I can be loved by anyone again…
If I can feel the zest in my viens again…
If I can believe once again that “ I am the one”

My life will become worth living…
The sky will tear and the grounds will shake
For I have come to existence again
I will move faster than light and caress through all the black holes
For I am the universe and the universe is me….
If only I can…if only…

happy to be sad.....

the depthness of life seems too shallow
i meet people who are very hollow
feelings are squashed under the feet
i dont even get time to weep
i am moving faster than i ever did
as even my shadow has started to haunt me

i feel like an intellectual fool
i failed and now i must pay my dues
my heart aches n begs me to cry
still i just feel like holding on to those feelings
there is comfort in pain
where is god now when i ask him for a personal gain....

where did i go wrong
what else could i have done
all i wanted was your happiness
with some love in return
u did not even care to take the gifts i collected for u
i cherished them n lived in them for a long time...
how could u be so inhuman....
but i know what u went through
n i really respect u

my selfish nature abounds in my writing
it was my fault as u never loved me....
it was one truth i never wanted to accept
for i never give up....
but even my best was not enough....

i have lost my poetic sense....
the beauty in my poems dissolved...
for the happiest man is sad today
wondering how life ever became this way....

i have wasted enough time crying....
and i wish that my writing devours the tears in my eyes now....
am so happy that i am crying now...
its a new feeling....
i want to forget everything n take it out of me...
i lack the courage to be alive n the nievity to die....

but i will live again as i feel myself again...
i wish u all the happiness in your life
and this dream which is my life will come true...

why was i born...the question haunted me since the age of 8....i started with nothing in life... .be it materialistic, emotonal,spiritual.there was nothin... nothin at all....started as the laughing stock n basically i grew up too early....i lacked that innocence....started thinkin too much at an early age.......i decided to put an end to it....i wanted money,public fame,respect n power.....i sorted out the way of making people feel inferior....they would respect me out of fear....somehow it never worked out.....once the apex is reached in terms of social status i let it go....falling in the trap of trusting people...n i tumble back to where i started only makin it worse by exposin myself.....then i try n instill some maturity in myself.....find a purpose of living,reason for existance and happiness was the only answer.....a mix of materialistic,emotional,spiritual,public fame came the right answer....i decided to stop following anyone n make my own way....n i realized with conviction i got them to follow me....that just made me loose my faith in them n made me laugh at them.....the gullability is so seen....so i become cold....doing what i feel is right...n i end up feeling a bit lonely at times...i suffer from a superiority complex.....its difficult to find people worth putting into.....having fallen so many times......reachin the apex of the social circle i feel i dont like these people...i dont like anyone.....going a bit low the people more humble end up boring me at times.....seeing a soluton is tough...practicality is tough but the answer.....a rolling ball is the right way....do i have people of my clang somewhere....cant see them n i seem to perfer now leaving my mark on only a few people.....to the rest the mask feels right n practical....but i should be happy...i never expected to be appreciated by them....only a few people will be able to get my warmth n i will get from a few....i do my job being secure n leave the rest on the almighty...whose presence is an illusion to keep me happy..this is the purpose....shakesphere said that " life is a tragedy to those to feel n funny to those who think"....n i work on a right mix....i will succced in the materialistic world...just hope to live up to my morals…with nobody having the ability to judge me other than myself….i will practice selfishness with practicality with a right amount of emotional input varing person to person