Fighting Back

Confusions embedded in the subconscious are feeding on the holy grail. Somehow the missing ideologies are confidently being seen as the benchmark of society stagnation. Thinking,Watching and Understanding people always made me believe we are doing, thinking and perceiving in very shallow, channelized manner. The freedom of childhood, curiosity for knowledge, purity of love is being molested by values and systems of society where being corrupt and inturn relatively honest(most nonsensical ideology)is used for "getting ahead in life".

People possessing passions for knowledge/understanding without any personal benefit become typecasted as being non influential in society decisions. They are the ones doing the major innovations and end up getting the least benefit from the differential monetary system. The "Management Wizards" the more street smart and adaptable to society structures withdraw most benefits by adapting to "loop hole" system. With this trend general tendency of the youth is to obviously become powerful and end up in management rather than contributing to true society growth via technology.Music from ROCK Genre to Metal attractive to a lot of youth since their theme is regarding idealization thoughts and emotions/ rebellious ideas which gets them thinking/feeling off their feet. Growing up means being non-influenced by such indulgences and accepting ways to being tamed to labour for a means to existence.

Something is terribly wrong with ideas and methods followed presently. The means to do things with the purpose of learning/enjoying is absent majorly being taken over by social/monetary gratification.

Wake up and Fight. thezeitgeistmovement.com

Mesmerization

Leaving behind the ghastly sorrows of mankind
Just to spend a beautiful evening in your aura
To share enlightening conversations with you
Drowning peacefully in your thoughts
Sharing deeper visions
Feeling my presence in your heart

The longing to hold you in my arms
Feeling the first touch
Breathing the genuineness of your love

Gentle and timeless stare
Evening sky blending into timeless darkness
Moonlight caressing your angelic face
Thoughts rushing through my head
Sometimes silence says it all...

How beautiful it can get...
I could never imagine
The serenity of love
The disposition of practicality

Tears roll down as I feel the reality
It was always meant to be...

Disturbance

Strange proximities of happiness and achievement end up drowning in the sea of the stereotype. It is not working and will never work. A need for a better purpose and people haunts my soul time and again. (One of the happiest memories etched is my mind are of the ngo I worked in last summer.) Giving time to it and feeding on the present crooked identities really hurts sometime. It was never meant to be this difficult seeing the top view. Strangely it is. Identity has been and will be a dubious ideology. Too many choices and loop holes in everything. Self sufficiency seems paralled to nirvana but it is not. After two years in a new environment and understanding rheoteric patterns it feels sick to accept that the same problem is persisting since childhood. Apparently I find some people I truly like but their habbits and ideologies have become so tainted, its a tragedy personally for me. Its time to make some decisions. Hanging on to everything is not going to work for long. I am longing for simplistic forms of living. Often suffering from a superiority complex and showing to major symptoms of a personality disorder of Schizoid. Hopefully courage will take over exceptional and immature beliefs in my life.



I know sanity is prevalent but its overall base is still to be built.

Silence

Its beautiful, how everytime a new realization ponders upon our thinking when silence is felt beneath our feet. Learning from people around and thinking when no one's around. The peace, solace and comfort of silence makes substance abuse sound cheap. The belief to be anything anytime, and still making mistakes knowing it harms us is just the absence of peace in our lifes. The bigger picture is always a mirage but the present is much more satisfying when its thought out in a very calm manner. Anger, anxiety, fear is just immaturity which feeds on us when we think in a cocooned manner. Maybe its never going to be that perfect but knowing that is more satisfying than any success ever achieved. I often envy calm people and love to learn form them all the time. When love overcomes hatred and acceptance overcomes expectations...is when you feel the power of silence is your life. Being satisfied with third standards is just being lazy but knowing where it works and where it fails is brilliant. A calm and composed mind can overcome any hurdle which is nurtured by potion of silence.

Forgiveness

I never understood weather it is possible to forgive anyone truly. As humans we tend to care for people n love becomes something people really treasure. Having hurt people myself I did realize that sometimes nothing works. No matter how much you do or say, the one word or action ruins everything. Time I thought can be a healer but its just so much insecurity and confusion that builds up that finally you just let go. People do change. I have changed so much over time and when I look back at certain incidents, I just feel so sad for the way I acted. Life is always a learning experience but sometimes some lessons are just too hard n live on for a life time. I learnt the importance of being genuine and not looking down at people.If I could ever get apology from some people who I have totally lost touch with, It would actually mean the world to me.I still wish to do anything to get back things I have lost but sometimes realizing how the other person gets offended is so much of a reason to sit back and live the pain. Thinking of new ways to revive lost thoughts and feelings, soon to realize how it all becomes and remains in the mind only and sometimes comes down as words. I never thought I am a bad person but I do make big mistakes couresy my immaculate confidence and self belief. Some mistakes have been etched so deep in my heart that whenever someone tries to come close, it just hurts so much more. Achievements, matiruity, thoughts, helping people n all such things become futile sometime if the time is gone. When people say that you dont even know them so much after complications occur, It just kills everything. Well nobody can judge and will judge all I can say is that I am terribly sorry. The personal image does drop as society judges, let people be sometimes. Nobody is that perfect and feels a big loss time and again.I know what I need and still believe it is very tough to come. Well nobody can judge and will judge all I can say is that I am terribly sorry. Sorry.

What is reality...My confusions and confessions

I honestly detest harbouring any sort of confusions in my mind. At a recent debate I was asked what my definition of reality is. Somehow my ability to present arguments which give a different angle all the time was strangled. Making up some good english sentences I left the stage admitting the judge got the better side of the idealist me. Coming out of pessimism earlier in my life, I had defined reality as the ability to achieve anything and everything. To my surprise there were to be many clauses to this thinking.Destiny was cursed enough thankfully, to not waste an iota of space in my mind.

Reality is governed by our hopes,passions,achievements,people. Most of the factors depend on us to draft ourselves the way we like.

In the field of science, art and commerce impossible is but a word of intimidation. Dreaming is a prerequisite to devlop the vision and the idea. Hardwork,Intelligence and genral personality play a major role in framing the outcome. All these things can me mended provided the resources and commitment is there.In short it is a possibility.

Relationships and people however have abstract behaviour. "You can never make anyone love you". Free will has to be respected to bring out feelings from within rather than being instigated by fear or social insecurity or any other dubious factor. It hurts idealistic people the most to accept this fact and maintain a psychological balance.

At a certain time a being does not possess the sources to achieve what he wishes. The causes can be limitation of thoughts,materialistic shortcomings, emotional bindings etc. Timing is again an important factor. Realising that timing is a factor is a bigger factor. Keeping these loopholes in mind reality can be defined as "sensible dreaming and subsequent achieving". This statement chokes the ideology of life being one's best friend to offer anything and everything we wish provided we work on it.

Nobody thought it was possible to have a concept like "relativity" until Einstein started working on it. His reality was a journey rather than a destination.He could never bring out "The Theory Of Everything" which combined Quantum Mechanics and General Relativity. Until now it has not been found. Scientists have been working on a theory called " String/Membrane Theory" for the last twenty years to solve this problem which just shows how some people think with no strings attached. The end result is obviously a fruit to savour, however the path is more brilliant. Of dreaming the extraordinary and woking towards it. Success in this regard depends on the same factors described before ranging from intelligence to limitations. The risk involved is much more but satisfaction as many believe putting themselves in other's shoes is higher.

Nature can often play spoil sport and there are even situations where man has won over nautre be the vertical spread of Earthquake ridden Tokyo or the entire existance of mankind during the Ice Age. However if the planet was to be striked out by some phenomena of nature we could not have done anything to prevent it. Or maybe we could have. Just our belief that we cannot, helps to convince us that we cannot. If someone starts working on such vague complications we might just have a solution.

The problem arises in estimating the power and influence of (Nature/ God/Supernatural Entities/Destiny). Anyone and everyone who has tried to give a scientific solution related to this has been unsuccessful. Till now basic concepts like Evolution have not been decoded.Religious doctrines often define the limitaion of the human race and offer advice to devlop faith.

Overall outcome comes to a choice of deciding your interpretation of reality. My Personal belief is that some universal power governs the entire system. I have no fear in accepting that I belive in challenging it whenever required.

We can dream about anything. The more we work for it our chances increase of achieving it. Let the road be your prerogative achievements will surprise you. This is reality for me.
That debate should have been won.

Swimming back to reality

Some why’s need to be left
Some doors need to be shut
Some feelings need to be numb
Some happiness needs to be fake
Some hope needs to be there
Some dumbness should be fed in
Some illusions need to be real
Some dreams should be tainted
Some time needs to be given

So many people hate me

I always grew up wanting to be liked by everyone.Wanting to be appreciated basically an attention seeking phobia. I mended my reality a lot and myself to some extend to get to the good side of a lot of people.Somehow it took me a few years to get good at it and then I mastered it.The one key was to be genuine and a good listener.But soon I realised I did not have an identity of my own and different people had different opinions of me. I had become a perfect public figure. For a long time I hung on to it but now I have started to break free of it. When I meet someone I can figure out which side of me to instigate. However, it seems so fake to be someone I am not just for their sake.Eventhough I always maintained a set of values, I was chained by people.I have started becoming what I want to and now so many people hate me. There are clashes of identity of being cool,emotional,artistic,intelligent,practical,idealistic,nice and I find comany for each sect. A perfect amalgamation is impossible and it always ends up being random.My lack of commitment and rather openess makes me hated in a lot of ways among different sects.The people I want to love the most end up hating me the most.Its a classic example of Genius Failure paradox. What saves me usually is my general love for mankind and kind nature.Honestly,I know what I am doing is just an effort for exposure and it is exactly how I define college life.I need stability sometime soon realising the minor futility of the concept.There is no end to learning and exposure.I will never be there.

It hurts sometime when you are hated.Maybe this is just a transition or just a begining.Since I dont choose a stereotypical life, I have got to get used to it.Just that I prefer having a few people who understand me the way I am and dont hate me ! I always have seen this reality becoming a mirage.

Hoping to practice what I preach
The Google approach to Life:
"Its Simple"

Hybrid Cars.....My technical Side

As if to answer what 2008 will bring in the world of green motoring, the global price of oil passed the symbolic mark of $100 per barrel in early January. Oil is not going to last for more than 50 years seeing the current usage statistics and the natural gas is bound to be extinguished in about 100 years. The fossil fuels can produce up to 6.3 billion liters and it is estimated that natural processes can only absorb about half of that amount so there is a net increase of 3.2 billion tons of atmospheric carbon dioxide per year. This contributes excessively to Global Warming. There is the need for application of better and smarter technology keeping the global prospective in mind. We are experimenting with Bio-diesel engines, CNG, LPG, hybrids, electric cars, fuel cell cars.
There are only philosophies floating around these days and no concrete ideology is accepted to be the savior of the future. From CRDi engines we are moving to SIDi engines (Spark Ignition Direct Injection).The small sector market is the largest in India with the Alto being the largest selling car in 2007.Recently the Suzuki company developed a 660cc Turbo-engine for the mini sized car. The present technologies, seem to provide a temporary solution and hybrids excel in this front in most places around the world.
The hybrid car market in the US redefined all auto economics and sold l00,000 plus cars in 2007.The Toyota Prius itself sold about 35,000 units in November 2007. There are exceptions which make the scenario more interesting. In places like Germany 40% (courtesy : Bosch statistics) of the C02 generated is from electricity generation sector. Hence using Hybrid/Electric cars does not entirely solve the purpose of reducing Global Warming everywhere. All car batteries are conventional lead acid batteries. They worry that a hybrid utopia might turn into a toxic nightmare where the nickel metal hydride batteries in today's hybrids end up in landfills. However a running horse produces the same amount of CO2 as that produced by an automobile (courtesy: SAE confrence in Delhi 2008) so some analysts say that exhaust fumes do not contribute a lot to Global Warming. Hybrid cars is a not a revolutionary idea but is does have a very good sense of application and is most apt in the current affairs. What goes on under the hood to give you 20 or 30 more miles per gallon than the standard automobile?

White Noise

A fresh start to old frustrations
A fresh start to new ambitions
A fresh start to feeling people

Endings can be strange though followed by fresh beginnings
I dont feel entangled with any burdens of love,regret,pain,happiness
It is so empty yet so peaceful
I am getting over her
It is so calm inside
The breeze is smoothly blowing
The sun is peacefully seetting
The leaves are quietly wispering
I am just caressing

Randomness can be disappointing
Commitment can be healing
Reality can be beautiful

The present is nothing but resilient

its a new beginning..........